13 October 2009

HALLOWEEN 09: Go Fish First

While Bloomingdales will be filling its floors with DC Comics super-fashion tomorrow evening (see today's Practical Magic for more info!), Springfield's own upscale retailer, Wal-Mart, has beaten them to the punch. The local mega-store has converted a good tenth of their sprawling square-footage in honor of my favorite holiday, and there're more candy carriers, plastic battle axes, and costumes than a witch could shake her broom at. The Target a few miles down the road made a similar shrine.
There must have been thousands of costumes for sale. We're talking GI JOE and Star Trek costumes, Batman and Spider-Man costumes, even Optimus Prime and Oprah Winfrey costumes. But among them all, I couldn't help but notice one rather unforgivable oversight. In a state that knows what it's like to be wet (it's raining as I type), not a single Aquaman costume could be found, not even wedged behind last year's Halle Berry wigs.
Originality is magic, costume hunters. Individualism is key. Aquatic Couture is in. The answer to your "What To Wear?" problem is obvious: Aquaman.
(For the ladies, Aqua Girl is always an excellent option. She's the perfect companion to any gentleman's Aquaman. To transform yourself into the Queen of the Seven Seas, simply toss a few small sea shells into your hair, and compliment them with a coral-colored two-piece bikini. For an added touch of realism, stop into a tanning parlor before the end of the month. You're good to go to!)
Given the understandable relief you're feeling right now, the fact that you've got a second problem may not have crossed your mind. But it will -- and that's why you've got us. Here's how you can get fishy in just FIVE EASY STEPS.
Step One: Know Who You Are
How many of us know our true selves? I mean, really? Unfortunately, superheroes don't have that problem, except maybe for Batman. Aquaman aka Arthur Curry is well aware of his identity, and you should be as well. Your local comic book store should have plenty of Aquaman in stock. Even so, our Cliff-Notes refresher should do the trick just fine.
Aquaman is a comic book superhero who appears in DC Comics. Created by Paul Norris and Mort Weisinger, the character debuted in More Fun Comics #73 (Nov. 1941). Initially a backup feature in DC's anthology titles, Aquaman later starred in several volumes of a solo title. Accompanying Aquaman in his adventures was his teenaged side-kick Aqualad. Also around this time, Aquaman met Mera, the Atlantean woman he would later marry and make his Queen. Aqualad, not to be undone, met the first Aquagirl.

During the late-1950s and 1960s superhero-revival period known as the Silver Age of Comics, Aquaman was a founding member of the team The Justice League of America. While often seen as an outsider (a fish out of water, so to speak), Aquaman was always a pivotal member of the League. Not only did he develop a strong if not consummated friendship with Wonder Woman, he even became the team’s leader when the Justice League established its headquarters in Detroit during the mid-1980's.

From the early 1990’s until the mid-2000s, Aquaman's character became more serious than in previous interpretations, with most stories emphasizing the weight of his role as King of Atlantis. One recent storyline focused on San Diego’s falling into the ocean after a devastating earthquake. Aquaman became the city’s protector. Shortly afterwards, Aquaman was killed in action. In current comic books today, Aquaman has been re-animated as an evil Black Lantern, and is seeking to tear the hearts out of his former friends in the Justice League.

But none of that dispels the true hero that Aquaman was when he was alive. Aquaman has appeared in animated and live-action television programs. In pop culture, Aquaman has frequently been the subject of mockery for his distinctive powers, which are often comically portrayed as useless in comparison to those of other superheroes. He’s most recently been the star of a cancelled pilot on the CW, and a running joke on the cable show, Entourage.

Step Two: Dye Your Hair
Blonde hair -- bleached blonde hair -- is absolutely essential to pulling off aqua-attire. If your hair is already so blonde it's white, skip down to Step Three. If it's not, then it's time to get ready to dye your hair. We won't go into great detail here, as the task is fairly self-explanatory. Just remember that blonde does not mean dark roots, and hair should be short, with curls if possible. Any Walgreen's can sell you both hair dye and a curling iron at a reasonable price, so check the local pharmacy soon. Professional stylists are more expensive, but chances are you're worth it. For those tight on the budget, homemade recipes are a great second choice. Learn how to mix up your own blonde hair dye here.
Aquaman has blonde hair.
Step Three: Work Out
Although the Aquaman-look doesn't require you to show skin like Aqua Girl, it's a well-known fact that the King of Atlantis has a muscular bod. If you're an experienced swimmer or play water sports and consider yourself strong in the pool, skip ahead to Step Four. Non-swimmers, keep reading.
With fourteen days to go before All Hallow's Eve, getting in enough gym-time to pull-off a Justin Hartley, star of the CW 2006 pilot Aquaman and current Green Arrow on Smallville, isn't overly realistic. (It's never too early to start planning for next year, however.)
Aquaman is Buff
More realistic is that you log as many water hours as possible. It's clear that Justin's toned and trim torso has as much to do with his time keeping wet as it does with his time lifting weights. If you own a pool or belong to one, pay frequent visits. Otherwise, skip the shower and take a bath. You'll be clean, and well on your way to being a super hero.
Step Four: Forget the Pecs,
Buy the Hoodie
You've found yourself, colored your curls, and either chiseled your chest or taken a good long bath. Now, you're ready for the perfect costume.
Dabblers, people will think you are Arthur Curry when you slip the awesome Aquaman Hoodie over your head. It's an all-cotton costume in one. The infamous Aquaman "A" is right at the waistline, so leave the Speedos at home. And with muscles printed right onto the front, this warm find is worth every one of its $55 price tag. Just look at the model smiling!
Abbracadabbling thinks it's the perfect fit for aspiring Aqua-men of any size. We found our hoodie online at 80s Tees.com, and we're pretty certain they're the only ones who have it. Follow the Aqua-Link here.... and your costume is almost complete.
Step Five: Talk to Fish
Being an Aquaman requires a sound mind, strong body, and the small matter of communicating telepathically with more sea life than you'll find on the menu at Red Lobster. People who own an aquarium likely already talk to fish, and for the rest of us, it's a great place to start. If you want to bring fish into your life, click here.
If not, you're still in luck. The Complete Adventures of Aquaman is a two-disc set with thirty-six different episodes -- we mean, lessons -- that will give you plenty of time to learn from the master fish talker himself. We don't know where else you could find eighteen hours of language lessons for under $20.00. Except at PM Comics very own Amazon.com shop, that is. We'll have Aquaman in-stock before the end of the week, so you'll have more than enough time to brush up on your barracuda.
Swim on, Aquaman!

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