25 March 2010

Coming Attractions: Twilight ECLIPSE (Is For Dummies)

"Sometimes the sheer genius of those Hollywood marketing suits is so subtle that one can never be sure if events of coincidence aren't instead the machinations of Providence." 
-- The Dabbler, earlier today 

There was no rest for the wicked last Saturday night in Springfield or many other of this country's greatest cities. Summit Entertainment's 'New Moon at Midnight' drove thousands of 'tweens and many a pre-menopausal Mom to one of 7,000 New Moon DVD release events the company sponsored nationwide, a handful of them even promising surprise guests from the film's monstrous cast.

We restrained our own 'eager beaver' to all things Twilight, our good friend and neighbor Raley, from heading over to local Wal-Mart's big party as we could hear the screaming and loud music six blocks away from the safety of the  office window that we'd smeared with garlic and Holy Water paste just before the festivities began.   Despite our absence and Raley's kicking protests, New Moon still sold over four million copies in its first two days.  (In comparison, Twilight DVD  sold 3.8 million its first weekend, and 9.2 million overall, which also made it the best selling DVD last year.)

To add to the weekend's mad celebratory frenzy, the studio also released its first  (above) non-teaser Eclipse movie poster -- which despite Raley's swoons to the contrary, seems rather uninspired if not downright dull.    The film's teaser from Decemember 2009 is even more exciting -- at least we can read into the pic and get all moody and metaphorical about the colored light encircling the moon. 

And who knows, maybe we're just not normal, but Eclipse's tag line "It all begins...With a choice" is literally one of the most insipid, lame-ass boring and cliched sentences we've read since Going Rogue.  

America gets dumbed down even more when the supposed final chapter of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse moons theaters everywhere 30 June 2010.

No comments: